Expert Resources
Answers, insights, and guidance from Karimi — our Board Certified Behavior Analyst with 15+ years of experience helping families build lasting habits through positive reinforcement.
"We don't change behavior by pushing against it. We change it by making the right choice feel rewarding."
Karimi · BCBA · 15+ Years Experience
FROM OUR BEHAVIOR ANALYST
Frequently Asked Questions
What exactly is a reward system?
A reward system is where your child earns tickets for doing specific behaviors — and later trades them in for a reward they love.
Example: Every time your 6-year-old brushes their teeth without fussing, they earn a ticket. Five tickets = 30 minutes of screen time. That's it!
At what age can I start?
Most children are ready around ages 3–4, once they understand that tickets have value and can be exchanged — the same idea as saving up for something exciting.
Example: If your toddler understands "three more bites = dessert," they're ready for a simple token system.
What goal should I target first?
Pick one or two specific, observable behaviors your child struggles with most — not vague things like "be good," but concrete actions like "put shoes away after school" or "complete homework before screens."
Example: "Be responsible" is too fuzzy. "Clean your room by 4 pm" — that your child can actually DO and you can actually SEE.
Is a reward system just for kids with ADHD or behavior problems?
Absolutely NOT — positive reinforcement works for ALL humans, and reward systems are used in hospitals, schools, and homes for neurotypical and neurodivergent children alike.
Example: Think of frequent flyer miles or your coffee punch card — adults thrive on token systems too!
Isn't giving rewards just bribing my child?
A bribe happens BEFORE the behavior ("I'll give you candy if you stop crying"), while a token economy rewards AFTER the behavior is completed — that's the key difference B.F. Skinner called positive reinforcement.
Example: Bribe: "I'll get you a toy if you calm down right now." Reward system: "You stayed calm all day — here are your 3 tickets!"
Note: You can also incentivize your child by saying "You can earn tickets whenever you are having a calm body" which is different than "Have a calm body now and I will give you a ticket" while they are having a meltdown.
Will my child only behave when getting a reward?
No — the goal is to use tickets and tokens as a temporary bridge while the behavior becomes a natural habit, then slowly fade the tokens away, just like we fade training wheels on a bike.
Example: After 6 weeks of earning tickets for making their bed, most kids just... do it. The routine becomes the reward. Then you move on to the next thing!
What if my child earns tickets but behavior doesn't improve?
The reward probably isn't motivating enough — check in with your child and let THEM choose what they're working toward, because a reward you pick may not excite them at all.
Example: You chose extra TV time, but your daughter is obsessed with slime-making. Swap the reward and watch the magic happen!
Maybe the time between the behavior and the reward is too long. Give the reward sooner.
Example: Planning for the weekend? Make it happen two days after they earned their tickets instead!
Can I take tickets away as a punishment?
Taking away tickets can work for older kids with clear rules, but research shows it often creates resentment and anxiety in young children — always consult a professional before trying it.
Example: Instead of removing tokens, simply don't give them when the behavior doesn't happen. "No homework = no token" is clear and fair.
Taking away tickets teaches NOT to do something but it does not teach them what TO DO in a specific situation.
Example: Instead of "Mom took 3 tickets away for cursing" try "My child earned 3 tickets for using kind words."
My child melts down when they don't earn a ticket. What do I do?
Stay calm and consistent — giving in to the meltdown (even once!) teaches your child that tantrums work, which Skinner called intermittent reinforcement, one of the most powerful behavior patterns there is.
Example: Take a breath and say warmly: "I know it's hard. Tomorrow is a new chance to earn your tickets. I believe in you!"
What's the biggest mistake parents make?
Inconsistency — giving tickets sometimes and forgetting other times sends mixed signals that confuse the brain's reward pathways, which Skinner showed actually weakens the behavior over time.
Example: Set a phone alarm if needed. Consistency for 21 days is more powerful than perfection for 3 days.
How many tickets should a child need to earn a reward?
Start small! In the beginning, 1 ticket per behavior is ideal so your child experiences the win quickly and stays motivated — you can gradually increase the number as the habit builds.
Example: Week 1: 3 tickets for a token reward. Week 4: 10 tickets for the token reward. The behavior is stronger by then!
How do I keep my child from losing interest?
Rotate rewards regularly and let your child help design the system — kids are naturally more invested when they feel ownership, and variety keeps the excitement going!
Example: Create a "reward menu" with your child every Sunday. New week, fresh options. Even choosing between two rewards makes it exciting.
How do I handle a sibling who doesn't have a reward system?
Either give all children their own individualized reward system targeting their specific needs, or make it a family system — but avoid having one child earn rewards while a sibling watches with nothing to work toward.
Example: Big sister earns tickets for homework, little brother earns tickets for having kind hands. Different goals, same proud feeling!
How long before I see results?
Most families notice behavior shifts within 1–2 weeks when the system is consistent — the biggest predictor of success is whether the parent follows through every single time, not the child.
Example: Day 1 feels slow. Day 10, your child reminds YOU about their tickets. That's the moment you know it's working!
How do I fade out the system without losing the behavior?
Slowly increase the number of tickets needed for rewards over 4–6 weeks, then shift to verbal praise and natural rewards (freedom, privileges) so the behavior becomes self-sustaining.
When you change targets, you don't forget about the old ones. Target new goals, keep providing verbal praise for behavior already obtained.
Example: Week 1: 5 tickets for a reward. Week 8: verbal high-five + a Friday movie night. The habit is built — the chart did its job!
COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS
Myths to Conquer
"Kids should just do these things because I tell them to."
A reward system supports your authority — it does not undermine it. It gives kids a concrete reason to choose compliance, which means less power struggles and faster skill development for everyone.
Example: Adults go to work because we believe in what we do, but how long would you show up if you weren't paid? A ticket is your kid's paycheck while they are building a habit.
"Reward systems are for softer parents."
Wanting your child to listen and respect you isn't soft — it's exactly right. The system is just a tool to get there more efficiently, with less yelling, less frustration for everyone.
Example: Do we want to always stand tall and yell consequences because our child is not doing what we ask, or do we want our child to do what we ask without even asking? The first one creates more dependency, the second one might be harder to get but with better results.
"Reward systems ruin intrinsic motivation."
A reward system is used to build behaviors that aren't happening yet, aren't consistent, or that lack "intrinsic motivation." You build behaviors with the system and then stop using it once they become habits, then you move to the next challenge!
Example: My child hates doing homework. A reward system motivates him to do homework. After 3–4 weeks applying it consistently, my child will do his homework. My child loves soccer practice. I don't have to reward him for going to soccer practice — he already loves it!
"Reward systems are complicated."
Reward systems can be made complicated. Make a system that FITS in your life. A reward system does not have to be elaborate to be effective. Fewer targets, cleaner rules, easier to track.
Example: If you attempt to target 5 behaviors at once when you are new to the system, chances are you won't be consistent. Pick one behavior, set the rule, track it and make it a habit! Then you move to the next.
ASK K
Core Questions
What's the best way to get started?
New to the game? Start small. One behavior that is clear and objective — something you can clearly SEE. Set the rules, track it. Behavior happened? Give a ticket! Celebrate it! Be consistent!
Example: "Having good behavior during dinner time" is vague and does not say what we want to see. "Eating with my mouth closed" is a behavior that we can see and track.
What's the most common mistake people make?
1. Overachievers — wanting to target 10 behaviors at once and having trouble following through. Pick something you can stick to, and always follow through.
2. Lack of consistency — sometimes giving the tickets, sometimes not. This makes behavior harder to build and you'll have less success with the system.
3. Delay or absence of reward — they earned their reward but "I have something else to do, maybe next week." Be consistent and respect their rewards and choices — they worked hard to earn them!
What is the key to maintaining a successful system over time?
Consistency implementing it AND make it fun and exciting! Different rewards, different choices. Involve your child in the decision making and you'll have a successful system!
"My child will get dependent on rewards." Is that true?
You are building habits that do not exist or aren't frequent enough. Once the habit is built, you fade the system and just celebrate it with words and gestures of encouragement! A reward system is your bridge to get where you need — once there, move on to the next challenge.
How many habits should I work on at the same time?
If you are starting, choose one! Then as you and your child get comfortable with the system and you see some success, add one more. And so on. Stop when you feel you are having trouble keeping track or it becomes too much.
How do I know when it's time to move onto a new focus?
When you are seeing success over 6–8 consecutive opportunities with your current goal.
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